Sunday, September 13, 2015

Becoming Mom Age

Becoming "mom age", that being the age when your friends start having kids, has taught me almost as much about myself, if not more, than becoming a mom myself.

Before I became a mother, I was that hounding friend telling other mother's to get their babies on bottles to come out for drinks, I was against co sleeping, I was pro independence, my baby would take a bottle and sleep in her crib and lost in my mind was this idea that babies are only as hard as you allow them to be. I was wrong. Once I became a mom, I didn't take any of my own advice I was freely giving out. I didn't know what it really meant to be a parent, to care for something else so immensely, but mostly what I didn't know before becoming a parent is how many women are suffering aching for sleepless nights and crying babies, these women want to get puked on and fight with their spouse about who's turn it is to change diapers. I didn't fully realize that becoming a parent, and even trying to become one, often equates irreparable heartbreak. I didn't realize that the things most women begrudge about parenting others long for and who don't judge you if you bottle or breast feed, or co sleep, or use disposable diapers, they just want the chance to do it.

While I was pregnant and even after I had my baby, friends were struggling to get pregnant, friends lost their baby to heart troubles, friends miscarried, and one friend had a baby that has changed me in ways I wish the world could be changed without having to go through it the way She did. The way that she carried a baby who she knew might not make it, delivered her baby, and spent 21 days loving him.

Carrying a baby inside you for months creates a lasting bond there is no denying that, but the days afterwards are like nothing else. A life that you created is now yours to hold, to love to care for, but for some women it doesn't last. These Mothers are left with empty hearts, empty hands, and empty bedrooms that they had spent forever preparing, dreaming of putting their babies to sleep in.

The experience of learning about these women has reminded me to be grateful. To not get lost in the nights spent up feeding a crying baby, or diaper changes, or fighting with your husband about what chores need to get done. Every time I look at my baby I appreciate her and it's because I know that not every woman has what I have. So, now when I rock her to sleep, or let her sleep in our bed, or comfort her with nursing I laugh at my former self who vowed to be everything I am not and I smile that I am much more attentive and loving and I am cherishing every moment because what I have learned. I'm not perfect. I'm just a mom and I understand more now than ever how lucky that makes me.

Because of Her I told my baby a little tighter.  I've slowed down. I've become a better mom because She lost her son.

To learn more about one moms journey & the impact of losing her son visit her blog here:

1 comment:

  1. So eloquently written and so so so true. I couldn't imagine my life without her and yet before I had her I never could have imagined how wonderful and hard and ultimately humbling this whole thing is.